Mattering: Showing Up with Love When It Really Counts

The act of coming out—sharing your identity as gay, bisexual, transgender, asexual, or any color in the LGBTQIA+ rainbow—is deeply personal and can be scary. Strangely, it is about the person coming out only for an instant before it becomes intertwined with the listener. The listener will always have their own biases and fear of difference that influence their reaction to this incredibly vulnerable news. Mattering helps those of us who are listeners find the mindset and language to turn the moment of a loved one’s coming out from one of fear into one of connection and affirmation. It also forges new pathways for coming out with love, helping us navigate these life-changing conversations while validating who we all are. It's about changing biases that might be so ingrained that we're unaware we hold them and recognizing each other as unconditionally worthy of respect. Mattering is drawn from years of working directly with young people and adults from the precipice of coming out to its aftermath. Whether the outcome calls for celebration, reconnection, or repair, showing loved ones how much they matter to us creates a path forward based on validation and understanding.